Starting over with Round 3. Day 1 Core Syngergistics - p90x Lean

Here we are again. Here i am again. It's been a long day, a sleepless night, I can't quite understand why I have so much anxiety about this.  It's not the training, it's not the workouts, it's not the committment...but fear of failure I think.

I'm afraid of "failing" the nutritional aspect of this.  This morning was so much work, so much thought!  it took time, it wasn't just "grab adn go".  I didn't used to be like this. I used to really enjoy cooking and fixing my meals.

I think as I've gotten older (I'm 44)  I've lost touch with what really healthy living feels like. Healthy in all respects starting with respecting myself and my body.   I've become lazy and given in to indulging in things that make me feel good because well, "I deserve it!".

Things like:

• Sleeping in on days off
• Eating out
• Reading Forums
• Posting in Forums
• Watching Netflix
• Skipping Workouts or Planned Training

At the same time I've taken on more responsibilities and juggle a training business, one-on-one coaching sessions, traveling all over to train new coaches for Total Immersion, participating in improvement projects for the coach training process, and working 2 'regular' part time jobs as a physician. 

It's a lot but I don't want to let any of it go. My coping mechanisms are all a way to deal with the stress.  in reality I'd have a lot more energy if I applied some willpower to my vices and took more time for healthy activities.  

So this round of p90x isn't even as much to get back into shape or learn to eat well, but more an accountability system with my amazing friends, and something to force myself to stick to so I can learn to re-allocate time to important things.  

Oh...and core-synergistics today kicked my butt. I did about half of each exercise after the first few and knocked off at about 45 minutes in.  I still got a lot out of it, but wow it's so much harder than it looks like it should be.

nutrition so far so good, but I'm hungry and still have 2 1/2 more hours at work.  I have about 1000 calories still to eat today.  :(   I know what I'll fix when I get home but it takes time!  

Some of my previous habits are startign to get refreshed in my memory...fixing a lot of brown rice at once and storing in single serving bowls for example.     Well, day 1 is 3/4 of the way through. 

Just don't look at that chocolate lava cake...Must.Resist.